It's Not The Same Without You
by blacknails512
Summary: Au/Ah A little oneshot about how Alec deals with Magnus being in Iraq. Dedicated to my friend Jess.


**A/N- Hey all, my internet bestie Jess wanted some good Malec to read so I wrote this up for her as a request. Does anyone else have requests for me? I'd gladly write something for those of you who ask nicely ^.^  
>Jess, this is for you. Sorry if it sucks…<br>Disclaimer- I do not own the Mortal Instruments series. Cassandra Clare does, though. **

"Daddy, where does dis go?" Jess asked. The little girl held up a silver decoration by its string, making it look like an icicle.

I pointed to a bare limb on our fake Christmas tree and lifted her up so she could place the string on it to let the decoration hang gracefully. "That one's pretty," I said. "And sparkly… just like your dad."

Her big green eyes moved themselves up to meet mine and I felt something inside me break. They were almost the same color as Magnus' eyes, but they weren't as… extravagant as his. Nothing could compare to the color of his eyes. I wondered for a moment where she even got those eyes. Magnus and I had adopted her about four years ago and not many people had such an intense eye color.

That adorable voice of hers rang in my ears. "When can I see daddy?" she asked.

"I don't know, sweetie," I muttered, putting a strand of brunette hair behind her ear. "You keep decorating with aunt Izzy, I'll be right back." I turned to my younger sister, raising my eyebrow at her. "You'll supervise?"

"Mhm," she muttered, typing away on her phone. Even at age 24 she was texting like there was no tomorrow.

I walked through the living room of the apartment Magnus and I shared and slowly glided into our bedroom. His side of the bed was perfect and undisturbed while mine was messy. No matter what he told me over our short conversations on the phone, I never slept on his side. It just didn't feel right.

The last time he'd slept there was a year after we got Jess, when I was only 23. That seemed like so long ago, almost like a different lifetime. He'd barely gotten to know Jess and he was called off to Iraq to fight in the war. The worst thing was that Jess didn't even remember him. She was hardly one year old when he left and I hoped that she would remember him but it seemed like she had no idea who he was, she just knew that she had another daddy out there somewhere, fighting to keep her safe.

Halloween was the last time we'd spoken to each other and I hadn't seen him since I didn't even know when. It had to have been years. Jess was only two when he'd come back home for two days and she'd been really sick so we didn't have much time to just be together. I really missed him.

Magnus was my everything before we adopted Jess, and even then he was the best thing in my life. When we got married I felt like things couldn't get any better, and then Jess came along. We were so happy but then the war had to ruin everything. My mind, body, and soul ached for him every day… I had to act strong for Jess but sometimes it was just too much.

Sometimes I'd wake up in the middle of the night after having dream about him coming home or about him dying and my heart would be pounding painfully in my chest, my hand whipping to my left and groping blindly Magnus' calming aura. He would usually take me in his arms and kiss my forehead until I fell back asleep but it had been years since I'd had that soothing feeling. Every second he was gone was one more second we'd never have together.

Being in our bedroom and seeing all of his stuff was making me emotional so I quickly left the room, heading back to where my daughter and sister were. The living room was missing someone, though. I wanted Magnus there for Christmas but I knew he wasn't coming that year. He hadn't had a Christmas with Jess before…

"Daddy, look!" she squealed.

Speak of the Devil.

"Hi beautiful," I said to Jess, picking her up and resting her on my hip. "What do you want me to see?"

"Look at the kitty!" she said, pointing her tiny finger down to the floor where Chairman Meow was. The poor feline had antlers on and was clad in a bright red Christmas sweater. He looked miserable.

"Aw," I said. I bent down to take the antlers off and put them on Jess's head. She giggled and kissed my nose, causing my heart to pang. Magnus always used to kiss my nose.

I mentally slapped myself after that thought. I was acting like Magnus was dead and not simply gone off to help the country. He couldn't be dead, I'm his husband, I would _know_ if he had died. They'd tell me. Right?

The doorbell rang then and I looked at Isabelle. "Are you expecting anyone?" I asked her.

"No…" She stood up and pocketed her phone. "Maybe it's carolers?"

"We've already gotten carolers three times today," I said. "Not many people come around on Christmas Eve night."

I carried Jess down to the doorway and opened it up slowly, peeking my head outside into the cold December air. For a moment, I didn't see anyone, but then a tall silhouette formed and I stepped back to get a better look. I had to put Jess down so I didn't drop her.

Magnus –the love of my life, my better half, my everything - was standing there, looking disheveled and beautiful and _alive_. His mouth had some stubble on it and he was skinnier than I remembered but he was still my Magnus, the one person on earth that could make me feel complete. But it almost didn't seem real. I thought it was just another dream I was in, a cruel dream that tricked me into believing he was there, with me.

He softly said my name and I blinked at him, frozen to my spot. It took Jess asking who he was and gripping my hand to snap me out of it.

"Magnus?" I asked.

He smiled almost sheepishly and I was filled with warmth. "Sorry for not calling you earlier," he said. "I wanted it to be a surprise." He stepped inside and I paused before falling into his arms.

If anyone were to ask me, I would deny it, but I was a blubbering mess in his arms, muttering half spoken words that weren't making sense together. "I thought you were dead," I choked. He just kissed my nose and smiled at me. I tried to get myself together when he bent down in front of Jess, meeting her eye level.

"Are you my other daddy?" she asked, batting her eyelashes.

He nodded and she threw her arms around his shoulders, squeezing him hard enough to make his eyes go wide but return the hug nonetheless.

"Hi daddy," she said, giving him a toothy grin.

I could tell he was holding back tears when he smiled at her. "Hi Jess," he muttered.

"Sweetheart, why don't you go back to Aunt Izzy?" I suggested quietly, patting her back in a 'go that way' gesture. She ran off to the living room and I turned to Magnus.

"How long are you staying?" I asked though I didn't really want an answer. I just wanted to grab his shoulders and embrace him like there was no tomorrow, but I had to know.

"Only a week." My heart dropped and soared at the same time. He'd be here for Christmas but then he'd have to go six days later. I figured little time was better than no time at all.

"Darling," he said, caressing my cheek. "Don't look so upset, I'll spend every second with you and Jess. I promise."

He leaned forward just enough to let our lips touch and immediately all of the tension and anxiety inside me flew right out and I relaxed in his embrace. My first kiss from him in four years. It felt almost as good as when I kissed him for the first time but this had more meaning to it.

I felt moisture on my cheeks and he pulled back to wipe them away with the pad of his thumb. He was crying too and I bit my lip as he lifted my chin up to I could look at him. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you, too."

**A/N- Sorry Jess (and everyone else) I know that sucked but you wanted something to read and this is what you got. I hope you liked my lesser amazing work :3 Review anyways? Pretty please? Again, any requests? I've got time… Boy do I sound desperate or what? Well, I am so…  
>-Ella, who loves her webstie.<strong>


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